It is hard to smile when your upper lip feels rubbery like a giant eraser, the one you loved in 1st grade.
I would like to take a moment to thank modern science for such contrivances like the 'electrocardiogram' aka 'EKG' as fore this particular contraption has saved my life as where human error had nearly ended me.
This EKG was ordered via sinus surgeon to make sure my Heart could withstand going under-the-knife. Mandatory. A typical test that provided alarming numbers. Said numbers qualified me for an intimate 3 hour session of face mangling with a price tag of nearly $70+ thousand dollars (as well several months of post-op torture).
I request a moment to thank my general practitioner of medicine as it was his decision to 'green flag' my surgeries and nearly condemn me to the grave. This scholarly, deep pocketed individual has much of 3 years of my life in his hands as well, my bank account. I am confounded.
Damn! This healing feels unnatural, it feels arduous and when the fuck will I be able to feel my eyelid and lip again.....
I found the energy to get out of bed and off pain meds long enough to casually stroll into the best Cardiologist good ol' Beverly Hills had to offer up.... oh... it so happens to be the same individual suggested by my trifling GP. Just great.
MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH......
The man who saved my life.
Mister Heart Doctor, I just had a 'test' with unusually high numbers and a painful sinus surgery a few weeks ago, and um, I figured since I have the free time and suspicion that the numbers ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE ARE NOT REMOTELY CLOSE TO SEVENTY...... maybe you could shed some light?
Another Electrocardiogram...a few squirts of Surgi-lube and external fleshy probes and BOOM!!!
A print out of my entire electronic Heart information and total lack there of.
"Why Keleigh you actually had the surgery on your sinus/nose with THESE (above mentioned) numbers!!? Pleased to meet you and most surprised you have survived". Excellent. Now down to the dirty talk.
I have Severe Familiar (nice way of saying 'genetic') Cardiomyopathy disease... of the Heart.
It breaks down like this:
My heart is too large, to weak, misfiring at times, and doubly fast. Dangerously fast!
Aside from all the excellent verbiage my poor functioning Heart is working a quarter of what it should and will never be 100% as long as I shall live. More medications. Major lifestyle alterations.
Time to except that I have a time bomb in my chest that has qualified me for 'sudden death'.
I wear a medical alert bracelet.... most excellent technologies have improved with pills boxes too.
Join me on this misadventure and cautionary tale of my enfeebled Heart.
