when I grow up I wanna be a Queen.

My dear trusted friend and co worker said something interesting today.
Said individual blames the Womens Rights Movement on the death of chivalry. 
She may be onto something. Really.
I have most recently been deep in conversation with my male and female trustees about this subject.
Seeking the rubric, also understanding the correlation between growing up in different parts of the country and the meeting/coupling rituals (and complete lack there of) Typical East Coast versus West Coast! Does this make sense? It certainly does if you are from one place and relocated to another.

The difference between dating men or women or both and how/where you grew up is so incredible telling and important. So many of the rituals and patterns are learned (some instinctual, naturally)

 There are some very basic dating structures I require in order to pique and maintain my attention:
I consider you impolite if you do not open the door for me (every door)
It is rude to introduce me as a 'friend', I have a strong name that needs no other handle.
Offering to pay for things is always appreciated (knowing well that I would not feel comfortable. Yes the thought still counts.
Walking on the curb side of the street. Important.

It has been mentioned, that men sometimes feel as if they aren't needed so they find that casual equality in the day to day actions.

I do in fact pay my own bills, I have my own home and 2 careers and this does not mean I don't like my hand held... or receiving flowers when there is no occasion particular.
I am uneasily impressed. I am however easily pleased.
In the end I buy myself flowers for no particular occasion. I don't walk close to the curb side and I always introduce myself by my full name. I like men who desire to please women and in all fairness are rewarded by being treated like Kings.

 

I feel you.

I have never felt it to be difficult to connect with others.
I have found myself easily submerged into various cultures of personalities and social situations.
I have found the key to understanding others begins with understanding yourself, truly, as this is a life long journey some of us have become closer to our destination than others.  
Honestly I can feel attached to a found plastic bag on the street if I was in the right moment with it.
Chemistry, interpersonal attraction, the attraction between humans that leads to friendships and sometimes romantic relationships.  Seriously how does this equation work? Personally.... I am terrible at math and royally suck at putting things together. 
Is chemistry Black Majick!? at least that I could wrap my head around.
So we are infact biochemical, organic machines filled with tubes, cords and gore (note previous blog) that operate habitually.
This operation happens unwillingly as all the other majick simply falls into place. Or does it?!
Out of all the wonderful belief systems flowing through our natural world, I truly believe that the vibration we push into the Universe (purposely or with out direct intention) is what is matched and mirrored.

Have you ever played with paper cut-out dollies with little outfits and accoutrements creating a little inanimate personality of your liking? And have you ever concocted a savory meal filled with all the random food items you love most (that generally do not blend well) creating the ultimate satiating meal?
I personally live in a world that is composed of Energy, Majick and Chemistry. I always give what I take, I rarely doubt. I always feel and I know who/what (even a rogue plastic bag on the street) I feel compelled by/to. This chemistry I will never ignore, I cannot fathom loosing the opportunity to feel closeness and grow.

To myself, nothing is more inspiring than feeling chemistry with those who feel the effectivity and return the sentiment.





“Invisible threads are the strongest ties”
Friedrich Nietzche



“Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It's all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager.”
-Susan Sontag

When you have nothing to fear.

I just returned from my journey home to New England for my 32nd Birthday.
Birthdays are a joyous occasion filled with prizes, kind affirmations and allowance to do as you please (you just have to constantly remind people that day).  I don't mind the jet-lag and extreme weather changes, I do not mind wearing the same yoga pants (I despise yoga) for nearly a week as my daily costume. I do not mind the asthma/allergy attacks from the indigenous plant life thats dying off this time of year either..... did I mention several pounds from eating nothing but Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwiches w flavored coffees?

I spent 'the day' strolling through old Salem Massachusetts while holding my mothers hand, shopping for trinkets to adorn my home and body from this sacred place. The chilly Autumn air a constant reminder that the absolute coldness is about to take over, Winter will come.
We stood in the back of the organized groups when attending the 'tours'/museums while holding back giggles and remarks as we had known more than the staff in the 'Witch tours'.  While shopping I decided to buy another large Baphomet statue to replace the broken gifted one. My Mother was dead set on the 'gold brushed' in lieu of Black because it will most defiantly stand out with my color scheme..... I also purchased a Mjølner to wear around my neck, a gift from Mother. 
I realize how unique and understanding the woman who created me truly is, on that day.

I decided to drive through the New England countryside and let my mother sleep
The journey home at night was beautiful, I turned on the heat and put the window down a bit, to get the most of the experience. After years of not being granted (nor trusted) the permission to drive any of the parents vehicles it was nice to feel the privilege of chauffeuring a sleeping parent. A strange yet proud feeling.

 Birthdays and visits home are always filled w surprises.
My (only) sibling, we are as opposite visually as we are in our sacred beliefs had gifted me with 2 journals. 
I had not a single inkling that she had read my Blogs, rants and otherwise. Affirmation is fuel. Absolutely.


Although we had engaged in serious conversation at dinner, the place settings were old Corning wear ceramic dishes, them. Halloween jakolantern paper plates w witchy napkins, me. 
Even frozen peas taste better when mom microwaves them. I cannot be more serious. 


Many years ago I packed 2 suitcases, shoved a few hundred dollars into my wallet and walked off to the airport terminal with a one-way ticket to the other side of the country. I had zero idea what was on the other side nor did I know when I would see my family again... absolutely terrified, I didn't shed a single tear. 
This time I didn't want to close my eyes as I knew I would wake early to leave for 'home', the otherside of the country. I drove myself w mother as passenger to the airport, I wanted to drive in the pouring rain.
I had zero uncertainly upon my arrival 'home' as I knew my house keys were safe in my work desk, my pet was cared for as well bills/rent paid before leaving. The familiar faces and work schedule await along with a social life I utterly thrive on. Back to the grind in which I love.

The second the automatic airport doors closed me in, tears fell. I have not felt sadness like this before.

- My home in New England.








 

 































I have loved before and to the point of madness.

I used to always be afraid.

Overcoming fear doesn't happen instantly or automatically.
Overcoming fear requires deliberate intention and conscious action if you desire results. I am constantly enthralled with an idea, often to the point of madness. If I do not fulfill these intuit driven ideas..... I get angry, displaced, down right depressed. Nothing is more debilitating than depression especially to a proactive artist.
It is easy to feel disconnected and anxiety ridden and these are my ques to get off my ass and face said fear(s)!  I have recently faced a great fear and I have made this fear my slave. My ultimate goal is to conquer thine enemy.... create! Create! Create! Inspire!!!!  
Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy guaranteed and it will fuel all of your worst fears. The horror. 
The nature of the mind is to make coherence of the world and if you feel undeserving, that behavior in particular contradicts this (have you heard about Law of Attraction?)

I have photographed and time lapse video captured my most recent, triumphed fear.
This I will share with you soon.



"How much pain they have cost us,
the evils which have never happened."
-Thomas Jefferson


"Leap and the net will appear"
-someone super smart

I want to hold your hand.

Chiromancy, palmistry, hand-reading, hand analysis, chirology.  For centuries the features of the hands have fascinated scholars, sages, theologians, doctors and laymen alike.  

I have a slight fetish for beautiful hands. Yes. Did you know that both Aristotle and Julius Caesar were both hand/palm readers?  The church condemned the practice of chiromancy and palmists were persecutes as Witches had been, the Bible sanctioned handreading as well. 

One of the first things I notice about people when meeting is their hands. If your hands suck, lacking proper hygiene then trifling hands be gone!

Body language using ones hands is incredibly important. Sharing your hands with another, pawing as it were is sacred.  Everything you do is mostly with your hands, lets not even get into energy transference (that is an entirely different blog.)

"Hands have 27 bones and are a very expressive part of our anatomy. The give us enormous capability as an evolved species in how we handle our environment."
"Reading palms is not just about the lines on your hand. After the face, hands probably the richest source of body language."
"High levels of testosterone in the womb lead to a longer ring finger. Testosterone is also related to other masculine characteristics, including strength and aggression, spatial and musical ability."


Gypsies maintained that a true Werewolf would have 2 longer ring fingers than the rest of his/her phalanges. Vampires often with pale shapely but slender fingers.


My left hand.

Hate to love.

Pheromones, romantic illusions and transcendence.
There is some scientific equation for love. The equation or formula is still not completely understood however its partially visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile and neurochemical.
Aparently 11 known animal species mate for life as opposed to ratio of humans that do... I do not have a number for that one (sorry).
Using magnetic resonance imaging to see how love affects the brain, they came up with his ludicrous 'result':
"The time taken to "fall in love" clocks in at about one-fifth of a second, not the six months of romantic dinners and sharing secrets some might expect." 
Call me love sick or love less because it takes me at least 15 seconds to determine whether or not I want to talk to someone never mind like them.

We also have human creatures that confuse love with obsession or fixation and these individuals may suffer from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Ever hear of "erotomania" in which the sufferer has delusions that they have a relationship with another person, that the other person knows about? I wonder how long it takes a person to fall in love with a person that doesn't love them back! How GRIM.


People seek, find, fall in love for different reasons, hell we even have arranged marriages (not worth blogging about) I do know that I fear the possibility of meeting my 'match' (they call this Soumate) because I cannot fathom meeting another like myself. Have you seen the film Firestarter?! 

Now accepting applications

In constant search of stimulation.
I have always said that "I am mildly interested in everything" and I never like the old saying "Jack of all trades master of none" that is for rogues.  I only do things I feel strongly about no matter the gravitation.  I often wonder how any creative individual pulls their inspiration from seeing as nearly everything has replicated.
They say true art comes from pain, suffering and disparity this may be true however I find myself most enlivened and creative when I am encouraged, given allowance and favored. I would say that (in all things) you must have balance, often the scale will bow in favor in the darkness in lieu of the light so as a Libra I fully appreciate this notion.
I am currently inspired although admittedly need a constant flow of energy to create and remain stimulated.
 


I desire a Muse.

Whats inside

Waiting for a package in the mail is torture. Ill be the first to admit that it takes a lot of energy for me to send mail of any sort.... email is an exception of course.   Sometimes I will go through a little phase of making purchases online every couple weeks so that I can not only receive a prize but have the anticipation of its arrival.
I really do adore receiving mail, particularly boxes, padded envelopes, etc. This love for receiving does not extent to bills and bad news that infiltrates the USPS and tries to ruin my day.
Even when expecting a parcel you generally know exactly what to expect and often have unrealistic expectations of what may be inside in lieu of purchased/expecting item(s). I associate this particular feeling similarly to gazing into the refrigerator longingly waiting for new options to present themselves. Often a complete let down.
I am currently awaiting a parcel ...  inside will be a slice of something familiar and completely mysterious.
I wonder what will be inside. 
Do I have unrealistic expectations of what may be inside?
I do not care... gimmy my mail!

 

Le Phantome dans la Machine

When we are born into this world as human creatures we form a sense of attachment from being carried.
As we are thrusted into the known world we develop attachments/detachments to adapt and move through life best we can.  Regardless of the relationships and lessons we develop we often navigate internally, those who do not follow the pre-programmed internal GPS may wonder. 
We human creatures are mostly composed of tubes, gore and liquids wearing a flesh suit. We are as gross as we are exquisite.  As complex as our organically composed machines may be, we are but simple creatures.
An awesome pulsating energy exists within our machines. The drive, the ador comes from somewhere within no matter the pre-determined direction your set on. 

 

Disconnection begets despondency.  
Desire engenders continuance.

The art of 360 seconds.......

Today is the 1st day of September.
On the 1st of each month I reluctantly scribble down a large number onto a rectangular piece of paper that secures my sanity and drains my bank account.  Amongst my daily do's I had an orientation of a sorts, I learned about the art of watering Bonsai trees as I must look after five of them this month.  I felt my hands clam as my eyes twitched because I know these beloved plants are in my care.
I also forgot about taking baths in lieu of showers. Now THIS is an art. I once loved the ritual and solitude of bathing. This evening, September 1st, I decided to draw a bath in remembrance of all I had learned about Bonsais. This evening I drew a bath while toasting the great Spirits with a glass of  Cotes de Duras. Surely I didn't stop short of lighting candles, even the 'special occasion' bathroom wall sconce pillars (they don't make the right candles to fit these Medieval sons of bitches anymore).......
Moments pass.... basking, my favorite Roussel’s piece-'1928 setting of the Psalm 8' streaming in the background. This is beautiful. Consigned to oblivion.
I realize less than 7 minutes have passed. The water is cooling off far to quickly, I notice the candles while my eyes are closed and my iphone is not fully charged! I just know it!  Has the price of postage stamps gone up sense I last sent out my rent 30 days ago!? I cannot do this.

Bathing situation.

Life after death .... or........

"Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It merely changes in form." Soooo what happens to the energy stored in the human body after death?
Here is a math equation:
Glucose + O2 ----> CO2 + water + energy
(food (breath-in) (breath-out) (sweating) (to work) and stored fat) energy in our body is convertible. The blood contains 90% water which is responsible for the distribution and flow of energy. If the water in blood is dried up, the energy is lost and the body is just a heap of immobile organic matter. The more subtle energies control information stored in the brain could be either deleted or distributed in the form of ideas to other brains that are able to pick them up. So, almost all energies are randomly distributed after death.

Okkkk soooo what if you are cremated.........buried.....resuscitated even, I mean really!?
I survived death once..... one day I will tell my story.

Putting it all together. Slowly.

- I learned how to cast majick before the age of 6.
- When I was 17 I bled to death on an emergency room table.
- I experienced love at first sight at age 23.
- I flunked History while acing advanced placement art in high school, I took 2 AP art classes a day for 3 years.
- I was a Nanny for 7 years.
- I was a Professional Dominatrix for 9 years.
- My mother cried when I tattooed her name on my body.
- I haven't eaten animals or fish for close to 2 decades.
- I have a fear of ANYTHING gelatinous. 
- I have never received a love letter.


 I have been writing a Memoir for over 5 years, one day it will be published.

You are made of made of majik.

When I was a small child my mother told me to 'make a list of desires'. I was always making such 'lists'.

I rarely made lists of undesirable things as I had them internally jotted down.
When I realized that my thoughts that became words; became reality, things changed.

One night as a child I composed a secret 'list of desires' I that kept hidden, a list of secret desires was a detailed list of personality traits, physical traits as well as material objects I was fond of. As I had grown I found this list to be pretty dead on accurate to my reality, word for word.

Once I stopped making a list of the things I was after, I realized I had become the product of my desires and thoughts once messy words scribbled.  I have recently rediscovered a list that was secretly tucked away. The familiar scribbles and random thoughts, words that to this day support  my desires. I have discovered that there are others like myself that create the reality that has become them, I have created another like myself; through words and I will find them.

Paper is my cauldron as pen has become my wand.

Déjà vu

Deja Vu if French for ''already seen''. 
I frequently experience the in my daily life. It is suggested that people between the ages 15-25 experience it most. I feel as if the older I become, the more I am experiencing this 'phenomenon'.  Several psychoanalysts attribute déjà vu to simple fantasy or wish fulfillment, while some psychiatrists ascribe it to a mismatching in the brain that causes the brain to mistake the present for the past. Many parapsychologists believe it is related to a past-life experience. My money is on the latter.  I truly believe that we resonate in many places at once and that we have had many lives. I trust that my intuition will guide me and Deja vu is one of those helpful, insightful tools.

I am a Daywalker.

I am composed of American Indian / Scandinavian blood, my father (Native) was a dark skinned Sun-Worshiper to the fullest degree while my mother is terribly allergic and ghastly 'white'.
Fast forward 31.5 years and here I am, ghastly pale, green eyes w/ black hair and A  L O T a tattoos.
My only sibling has blonde hair, large blue eyes with a golden Goddess-like skin tone.
The Sun is scary.... not only does the sun LOVE me, it makes me tan in just hours, a golden deep tan that throughout my childhood I didn't look so 'Caucasian' as I did 'a full on American Indian kid w light eyes.
I am my fathers daughter (sigh)
As an adult I stay AWAY from this massive destructive mass of radiation as much as possible.
The Sun drains me of my energy always and do not get me wrong.... I love being outside for adventures.
I do protect my flesh in order to maintain the optimum paledom' at all times.
Being an air sign Libra, I also love water! Any opportunity to be in water I am in. Water charges me.
If I had it my way, I would live in an underground tomb w little sun light and tons of fresh water swimming areas.... aaannd a wine cellar.

there is majik everywhere.

I once had a man in my life who I (at the time) hardly knew, he inspired me to create some very personal gifted art. The 'art' created for said man who inspired me so much was mostly composed of found items like ripped scrap paper, collaged images, photographs even human hair and rogue tears.
Nearly a decade has passed and surly the relics of my affection have since perish, such as our engagement to be enslaved to one another; Til death do us in pieces.
Times have since changed. I have set my sights to another recipient of my trinkets of affection, little majik bits, pieces and witchery.

Maybe I will just keep it.

International fetish.

I have an insatiable appetite. As a child I would only eat a small number of things, nothing more.
As an adult (strict vegetarian for 18 years) I love all things with SPICE.
I equate dating similarly to cuisine. I have a palate that varies.
I am open minded although I have very strict criterion.
I love Swedish 'cuisine', trust me I plan on going to Sweden.
I really dig German beer, its often a meal in itself, I could really submerge myself in Germany.
Italy.... do not get me started.

Meanwhile in America...... I dont eat hot dogs or hambugers. You can keep your freedom fries too.

Left hand gift.

Just engaged in a discussion w clients from Switzerland about being born left handed and forced to become 'right'. One of my newest co workers made a passing joke about the New England Puritans accusing left handed women of being Witches, thus tossing them into a river to see if they float.
Well little did he know......... I am from a small Puritan enriched New England town and was born a blasphemous LEFTY!  A lefty being forced into the 'right' world that has created many interesting challenges (ill save that for another time).
I was also tossed into the lake pre swimming abilities... for different reasons.


PHOTO:
My mothers back yard taken by yours truly.

I believe in unicorns.

I am pretty sure I do not believe in love at first sight.
I am a firm believer in obsessive compulsive infatuation as a form of healthy attachment. .. er ..detachment.
I often find the unattainable and elusive love interests to be the most rewarding, for reasons beyond my own explination.

Either way you slice it, I believe in Unicorns.

Inspiration or motivation.....

This is one of my top 5 all time favorite horror films!

I was raised in Western Massachusetts where this 70's Italian picture was 'based' on and 'filmed'.

It truly is films like this that evoke a very specific, sentimental feeling as I know what that true New England feeling.... feels ... like.

A peak into my world. Welcome.

www.keleighblack.com

NOTES FROM THE DARK SIDE.......

I enjoy WRITING in all CAPS, I will refrain from doing so.
Some of you may know that I am an image creator with an ever lasting long love for creative writing and run on sentences.